How To Eat Jerk Chicken Wraps With Your Whole Face

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It’s true, my husband eats Jerk Chicken wraps with his whole face.

in fact, his whole body. So engrossed is he with the waves of taste and utter culinary pleasure that take over him, a thousand Elvis’ could be hip-swiveling and rocking behind him singing ‘Blue Suede Shoes’ at the top of their voices and he would still fail to notice.

He’s so completely lost in-the-moment that nothing else registers with him to prevent his total, instant, demolition of Jerk Chicken wraps. I swear that i can almost see his body shudder as he takes the first mouthful. What i definitely can see are his eyes rolling to the back of his head and then his head lifting towards the heavens in a quasi-religious experience. It’s like he’s mystically channelling some sort of Gourmet-God. Soon after, his feet then begin to dance a little Celtic jig as the taste of the chicken, herbs and spices hit-the-right-spot.

Then comes the use of, what seems, his whole face to extract every atom of sensation from the food. His entire head appears to begin slowly opening and closing as he masticates the wrap with great purpose. Apparently King Cobras can dislocate their lower jaw in order to consume animals larger than the orifice would otherwise allow. When it comes to devouring my wraps, I swear my husband has the same anatomical ability.

Chomp, chomp, chomp. A cacophony of eating noises accompany.

It’s quiet and slow at first, then as he engages his complete face to eat, they build to a throaty, chaotic crescendo of deep guttural and alto ejaculations of perverted sounds.

I’m sure it must be some sort of crime-against-humanity to eat food in this way. But then i remember he’s my husband and not a neanderthal interloper, so i manage to prevent myself from calling the police. It’s ridiculous really. He’s a grown man (allegedly).

Don’t get me wrong, i love my husband dearly.

I call him The Shrek. He stands 185cm tall in his stocking feet (currently the left one has a hole in the toe). Weighing in at nearly 95 kilo, he is still mostly muscle and bone, but the adipose fat is beginning to cloak his once athletic body, like a padded gold-lame jump suit worn by The King himself. And, of course, being The Shrek he speaks in a lovely, lilting Scottish accent.

In fact, i can hear his Celtic voice, in my head as i write, asking for another fistfull of Jerk Chicken wraps.

So, in order to gift you the recipe but spare you the theatrical eating performance of The Shrek:

JERK CHICKEN

Peppercorns by ToniVC

Peppercorns by ToniVC

500g (1Ib) of raw chicken breast meat

1.5 teas mild curry powder
1 clove garlic
1 med onion(or 2 small shallot onions)
a sprig of fresh thyme/1 teas dried
2.5cm x 1cm(1inchx1/4inch) piece of green scotch bonnet pepper*
1 teas cocoa powder
1/2 teas allspice/pimento
1/2 teas juniper berries
1/2teas black and red peppercorns
1teas balsamic vinegar
juice of 1 lime
2 tablespoons brown sugar/demerara sugar
3 fresh medium tomatoes
1 teas Angostura bitters
1/2 teas salt
Spare bowl

*The green scotch bonnet although milder, will still give heat – so if preparing this for children, cut down on the pepper.

PANCAKE MIX

350ml(12floz)milk
3/4cup(4oz )Wholemeal flour
1 tbsp sunflower cooking oil
2 med eggs
Pinch of salt

I use the 1/4 cup measure (approx 60ml/2floz) to scoop up and pour out mix – it gives approx 11-12 pancakes using a 23cm (9”) frying pan.

First, cut the chicken breasts into strips(aprox 8cm x1cm/3″ x 1/2″), place into a bowl with clean water, squeeze in half a lime and wash meat. Next, crush and chop garlic, chop onion, and chop pepper into small pieces.

Grind Pimento seeds,peppercorns, and Juniper berries down as finely as you can, with a pestle and morter.(if you don’t own one, then place seeds between a clean kitchen towel and bash with a rolling pin)

Chop tomatoes.
Prepare the rest of the jerk seasoning, and add all to the meat.
Using your hands* mix all the ingredients together, so that the meat is totally coated.

Set aside – ideally overnight, but for at least 1/2hr.

Once the meat has been prepared, Prepare your pancake mix.

Simply put all ingredients into a large bowl and whisk well, making sure that the end result is a nice smooth batter. Set aside.

Before you can fry the meat, you need to scrape off as much of the seasoning as you can, placing scraped off chicken in a seperate bowl. Don’t throw away seasoning, pour in approx 250ml(1/2pt) warm water making sure all the seasoning is incorporated into water. Set aside.

To fry chicken, heat aprox 60ml(4tbsp) cooking oil in pan over a med high heat- you know the oil is ready, by sprinkling into it, a small pinchful of breadcrumbs or flour – it will sizzle immediately. Place chicken pieces into oil, fry on both sides until golden brown. Take pan off heat, remove meat and drain off oil.
Pour the water with seasoning into pan and replace onto stove bringing to the boil. Add Meat, lower heat and simmer for approx 20 minutes.

Once meat is simmering, take out pancake mix and give a good whisk.

Heat frying pan, lubricate base with a smear of oil, or spray on oil. Cook pancakes, making sure base of pan is always lubricated.

Once your meat is cooked, remove from the liquid, which should have reduced down while simmering. Take the cooking liquid and strain into a bowl/jug – you have your Jerk Chicken sauce!

Assemble your pancake wrap by placing some meat, together with some lettuce, cucumber,or sweet pepper etc. onto the pancake, and wrapping tortilla style.

Well, there it is. Please let me know what you think. I love comments, questions and viewpoints on my blog so please leave comments below.

Love, Laughter & Food for All

Angeli

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Comments

11 Responses to “How To Eat Jerk Chicken Wraps With Your Whole Face”

  1. bruleeblog on May 22nd, 2009 8:27 pm

    Great post title! lol

    Does “teas” = teaspoon? Just want to double check.

    angeli writes: thanks for your kind comment on the title :-D … yes, ‘teas’ is 1 teaspoonful… i hope you enjoy, angeli

  2. Darrell on May 22nd, 2009 9:43 pm

    Wonderfully descriptive!! I am jealous.

    Angeli writes:
    Darrell, thank you for your very kind comments… i’m glad you liked the blog… it’s only from meeting so many fantastic people on Twitter that i decided to write one… really, people from all around the world have been very kind to me, including yourself… thanks, your encouragement spurs me on.

  3. Lizzy on May 22nd, 2009 11:38 pm

    Angeli, that sounds mouthwateringly delicious – I’m gonna rush out and buy everything needed for that recipe – just one problem, who sells tall, celtic men?

  4. Angeli on May 22nd, 2009 11:43 pm

    lizzy, thanks for your comment… there’s a shop in edinburgh that sells tall Celtic men… in Kilts! :-D and they’re currently going at half-price because of the recession

  5. missmallory on May 23rd, 2009 8:33 am

    Lovely post and delicious sounding recipe, one that I will have to add to my list of ‘must try’. I think all of us have a certain food we ‘eat with our face’ and that causes some kind of culinary out of body experience. My roommate would often describe the sensation of devouring amazing food as a ‘mouthgasm’. Silly, but sort of true!

  6. Angeli on May 23rd, 2009 8:46 am

    Y, thanks for your comments… yes, there is a picture of The Shrek on the About page… i advise sitting down before you look at his picture :-O

  7. Arwen from Hoglet K on May 23rd, 2009 10:26 am

    Eating with your whole face sounds like the only way to really enjoy your wrap – what a magnificent description! Sounds like a beautifully spicy recipe too.

  8. Monica on May 23rd, 2009 11:06 am

    I really have been enjoying your blog. I’ve saved the recipe to make at a later date. Your descriptions take me right to you. Keep up the good work.

  9. Karyn on May 23rd, 2009 3:59 pm

    Angeli,
    Oh, my tastebuds are howling for some jerk chicken right about now. I feel challenged by all those European measurements. My math sucks.

    Lucky husband is all I can say.

    Found you on twitter.

  10. Angeli on June 1st, 2009 11:34 am

    glad you liked it Karyn, there are european and american measurements on the recipe – have a go!

  11. Angeli on June 1st, 2009 11:42 am

    Thanks Monica! would love to hear your feedback on recipe, glad you’re enjoying the blog.